I found a wonderful way to lose weight. I stepped on my bathroom scale five times and watched the number get smaller.
I wish I could tell you that was the result of a great diet or a new exercise program. It wasn't. The scale was broken.
At the beginning of the year, I wanted to lose a few pounds, so I decided to get a starting weight. Five attempts produced three different numbers. And this wasn't the first time that scale had been generous to us. My wife and I had already noticed it was telling us we weighed about ten pounds less than we knew we did.
You would think we would have thrown it away immediately. We didn't. We laughed about it. I mean, who doesn't enjoy getting on a scale and finding out they're ten pounds lighter than expected?
But here's the problem. We knew it was lying to us, and we liked what it had to say.
I think we do the same thing in other areas of life. We look for information that confirms what we want to believe, and we ignore information that might require us to make a change.
What if your information is wrong?
I've spent years working with leaders, and I can tell you that bad information leads to bad decisions. It doesn't matter how confident you are. If you're starting with the wrong facts, you're going to have a hard time reaching the right conclusion.
The same principle applies to your personal life.
You may believe you're a great listener, but does your family agree? You may say your health is important, but what are your habits telling you? You may believe you have your finances under control, but when was the last time you looked closely at the numbers?
I can talk about how important my family is all day long. But if I never make time for them, what should I believe: the words coming out of my mouth or the evidence on my calendar?
That's why self-awareness matters for personal growth. We have to be willing to see what's really happening, not just what we would like to be happening.
The Bible says the heart can be deceitful (Jeremiah 17:9). I've found that to be a useful reminder. I can talk myself into believing all kinds of things when the alternative is admitting I'm wrong, changing a habit, or having a conversation I would rather avoid.
Get an honest starting point
When I work with a leader, I don't begin by assuming I know what the problem is. I ask questions. I want to understand what they're experiencing, what they've tried, what results they're getting, and what may be going on underneath the surface.
I want you to do something similar with your own life. Choose one area that matters to you: your relationships, health, faith, work, or finances. Then ask yourself what an accurate scale would look like in that area.
If you want to improve a relationship, it might mean asking the other person how things are going and being willing to listen. If you want to change your finances, it might mean reviewing where your money actually went last month. If your goal is to grow as a leader, it may mean asking a trusted team member what you could do better.
And here's an important part: don't punish somebody for telling you the truth you asked for.
I've met leaders who say they want honest feedback, but every time somebody gives it, they argue. Eventually people stop talking. Now the leader has a room full of people agreeing with them, and they think things are going great. That's a broken scale.
I also want to make something clear. Honest self-assessment is not an opportunity to beat yourself up. The bathroom scale wasn't telling me I was a bad person. It was supposed to tell me where I was so I could decide where I wanted to go.
You cannot manage what you refuse to acknowledge. But acknowledging it doesn't mean you're stuck there.
Three questions I want you to answer
Take out a piece of paper and write down your answers. Be specific.
What do I know to be true? Not what I hope is true or what somebody might think. What facts do I have?
What have I been telling myself? Have I made excuses? Have I exaggerated the problem? Have I spent more time explaining it than trying to solve it?
What am I going to do about it? Choose one step you can take this week. You don't have to fix every problem at once, but you do need to take ownership of the next step.
I would also encourage you to find someone who cares enough about you to tell you the truth. Ask for their perspective. Listen. Thank them. Then decide what you need to change.
One final caution: it's a whole lot easier to identify what's wrong with somebody else's scale than to look at your own. There’s an old line about removing the plank from your own eye before worrying about the speck in someone else's. Start with yourself.
We eventually had to replace our broken scale. As much as I enjoyed seeing those smaller numbers, they weren't helping me get healthier.
So here's my challenge: find one place in your life where you've been settling for the number you want instead of the truth you need. Get an accurate starting point, make a decision, and begin moving forward.
If you want to put this into practice, my free Strategic Life Plan will walk you through it. If you're new here, you can read why I do this work.
Best regards,
Drew
