I want to ask you a question. Whose dream are you living?
Think about that for a minute. Not the dream that sounds good when you're talking to friends. Not what your parents hoped you would do. Not the life somebody on social media seems to have figured out. I'm asking about the future you really want to build.
When we hear somebody say, "I'm living my dream," we usually think they must be doing something big. Maybe they started a company, bought a beautiful house, moved to the beach, or finally walked away from a job they hated. And maybe they did. But does that automatically mean they're living a meaningful life? Of course not.
Years ago, I wrote a line in my leadership notes: "Settling for one person may be living the dream for another." I still believe that.
I have to be careful not to look at your life through my preferences and decide whether you should be satisfied with it. You may love a kind of work that would drive me crazy. I may get excited about an opportunity you wouldn't touch with a ten-foot pole. That's perfectly fine. We're different people, with different abilities, responsibilities, and dreams.
The trouble starts when we allow somebody else's definition of success to become our own.
Is this dream really mine?
I learned a valuable question from John Maxwell's teaching about dreams: Is the dream actually yours?
You might think that's obvious. Surely we know what we want, right? I'm not so sure. We grow up surrounded by expectations. We see what gets rewarded. We notice which jobs earn respect, which people get attention, and which lifestyles seem to tell the world that somebody has "made it."
Before long, we can spend years working toward something without ever stopping to ask whether it's something we truly want.
Here's a simple test. Imagine you could achieve the dream, but nobody would ever applaud you for it. You couldn't post about it. There would be no impressive title on a business card. Would you still want the work and the responsibility that come with it?
I don't mean you shouldn't enjoy recognition. I enjoy knowing that something I've done has helped somebody. But if applause is the only reason I'm pursuing a goal, I have to question whether the goal is worth what it will cost.
Every dream has a price
One of the mistakes I see people make is thinking a dream is just an exciting picture of the future. It isn't. A dream worth living will require decisions, effort, patience, and probably some sacrifice.
If you want to earn a degree, somebody has to do the studying. If you want a strong marriage, somebody has to make time for the relationship. If you want to own a business, somebody has to serve the customer when it's inconvenient. If you want to become a better leader, you have to be willing to hear that there are things about your leadership that need to change.
This is where people get stuck. They love the idea of the outcome, but they're not sure they want the process that produces it.
And there's another consideration. Your dream doesn't give you permission to ignore everybody around you. I don't think pursuing a great future requires us to abandon our present responsibilities. Those responsibilities often belong inside the dream.
I want to be successful at the things I do, and I also want to be the kind of husband, father, and friend the people closest to me can depend on. If I gain one and lose the other, I need to ask whether I was measuring success correctly.
Put your dream through three tests
Let me give you three questions that can help you get clearer about what you're pursuing.
First, does it fit my values? If you have to become dishonest, unreliable, or someone you don't respect in order to get there, you've chosen the wrong price. We'll spend more time on values in another article.
Second, will I be glad I became the person this requires? Some dreams stretch you in the best possible ways. They require growth, discipline, humility, and courage. Others simply feed a desire to look important. There's a difference.
Third, who benefits if I succeed? I don't mean that your life has to be a charity project. I mean that a worthwhile dream ought to create some good beyond your own satisfaction. Who will be helped by your work, your service, or the person you become?
I often ask the leaders I work with to picture a preferable future in as much detail as they can. What would an ordinary Tuesday look like if they were living the life they wanted? Where would they be spending their time? Who would they be with? What would they be contributing?
Notice that I said an ordinary Tuesday, not your dream vacation. It's not difficult to picture a perfect week when nobody has to pay the bills, clean the house, or go to work. I want you to think about the life you would actually enjoy living.
This week, write one paragraph describing that Tuesday. Then answer this question: What is one decision I could make now that would move me closer to that picture?
You may discover that your dream is bigger than you thought. You may discover that it is simpler. Either way, it ought to be yours.
If you want to put this into practice, my free Strategic Life Plan will walk you through it. If you’re new here, you can read why I do this work.
Best regards,
Drew
