A few years ago, my wife and I did something that probably didn't make much sense to anybody looking at our schedule. We both went back to school to earn master's degrees. I was working on my MBA, and she was working on her accounting degree.
We also both had jobs and five children.
Now, you don't have to be an expert in time management to see the problem. There were only so many hours in the day. We couldn't add two graduate programs to our lives and continue doing everything else exactly the way we'd always done it. Something was going to have to give.
So before the demands of school began making decisions for us, we made a decision for ourselves. We were not going to sacrifice our marriage, our children, or our immediate family. There were friends we would see less often and other things we would put on hold. We knew those were real costs, and we were willing to pay them for a time.
What we weren't willing to do was earn two degrees and look back to discover we had neglected the people those degrees were supposed to help us serve.
That's what I call the power of a premade decision.
Your values have to mean something
I teach leadership, and I've helped organizations identify their values. You can come up with some beautiful words in an afternoon: integrity, excellence, faith, family, service, loyalty, courage. Put them on a wall, add some nice graphics, and everybody feels good about them.
But what happens when those words cost you something?
It's easy to say family matters when the schedule is open. What happens when a good opportunity comes along and the only way to take it is to give up time you've already promised your family? It's easy to say honesty matters until telling the truth may cost you money or make you look bad.
I'm not suggesting there is always an easy answer. There isn't. I am saying that if we never decide what matters most, the loudest demand in front of us will usually decide for us.
When I think about how to identify your core values, I start there. What are you willing to protect when protecting it is inconvenient?
A dream tells you where you want to go. Your values tell you what kind of person you intend to be on the way there. I don't want to achieve a great goal and become somebody I don't respect in the process.
Why premade decisions work
I've taught about premade decisions for years because they're practical. We are not always at our best when pressure arrives. We get tired. We get excited about opportunities. We want somebody to like us. We don't want to disappoint people.
That's a terrible time to begin deciding what you believe.
Suppose you decide now that you're going to deal honestly with people. When the opportunity comes to shade the truth, you still have a choice, but at least you know the standard you're trying to live by.
Suppose you decide that your marriage deserves a protected place in your schedule. That doesn't mean you'll never have an unusually demanding week. It means you will recognize when you've moved away from a commitment and need to correct it.
Our decision about graduate school didn't make the next few years easy. We still had to work, study, raise children, and deal with all the other surprises that come with life. But when another invitation arrived, we didn't have to start from scratch. We already knew what we had decided was most important.
You may be in a completely different situation. The point isn't that you should make the same choices we made. The point is that you should make your choices intentionally.
Write down what isn't for sale
Here's an exercise I'd encourage you to do before the next big opportunity comes along.
First, write down five things that matter most to you. Don't worry about using impressive words. Think about the people, principles, and commitments you would deeply regret abandoning.
Next, reduce the list to three to five core values. For each one, complete a sentence: "Because I value ______, I will ______."
If you value growth, perhaps you will commit to remaining teachable when someone challenges you. If you value family, perhaps you will identify specific times you intend to protect. If you value integrity, perhaps you will decide not to exaggerate your credentials or make promises you cannot keep.
Finally, test those statements against your calendar and decisions from the last month. What do your actions tell you about what you really value?
You may not like every answer. That's okay. An honest answer is an opportunity to get back on course.
Here's the question I want you to carry into your next decision: If I say yes to this opportunity, what am I automatically saying no to?
That question has helped me think about the cost of things before I commit to them. Sometimes the opportunity is worth it. Sometimes it isn't. And sometimes it's a good opportunity, just not a good opportunity for right now.
Your dream should reflect your values, not become an excuse to abandon them. Decide what matters most before somebody else makes that decision for you.
If you want to put this into practice, my free Strategic Life Plan will walk you through it. If you're new here, you can read why I do this work.
Best regards,
Drew
